Red

Just happened to spot this and another right next to it on the grass opposite the house. I thought it was a lovely colour.

I feel I've been wasting half-term a bit. Well, that's not true, but I think it just gives you more time to think. So far I've just chilled and done errands, returned phone calls etc, and all the little things I can't really find the time to do whilst I'm working. 

I did go to gym Sunday and also the Monday class last night, which was really fun. It's just the drive there that usually makes me waver! I haven't even had any lie-in's really, I've been up at 8:30am so far. Tomorrow the guy is coming out to do the measuring for my new windows. Not very exciting, but a job that needs to be done this week whilst I'm off.

I've booked my flight as the price came down. I've procrastinated a bit, about whether or not I want to go. I want my old life back is what I want, but I also do want to go. I was listening to some songs in the car last night, songs I like, and also those that evoke memories.


And it occurred to me, that unless you are really unlucky, or have a terrible childhood, then until our romantic lives, we aren't really prepared to experience love and then have it taken away. I'm not sure I've explained that very well. What I mean is, that parents (usually) forgive you for whatever you've done, so you learn that love isn't something that gets taken away. The same in death, i.e.; you love that person, and you continue to despite parting. But when it comes to romantic relationships, the expectation, and perhaps the necessary recipe for success, is that you love with all you have, yet with the possibility that it might not be forever. 


And then when it ends, as it does a few times if not more, we are charged with the task of making sense of the loss, and reconstructing a new normal. And somehow it seems to be "normal". I'm not sure I understand it. But in reality, it's not. It's not "normal" to spend time, often every day with the same person. Sharing the joys and sorrows, the peaks and troughs of life. Making plans for the future, enjoying the present. How can the person that you got into bed next to night after night, not be there anymore? How can they go on? How can you go on? Pretend it never happened? Cross the street if you see them? Wish things were different?


I'm baffled by it all. And still trying to make sense of it. I'm not sure I'll ever understand it. It just struck me when I thought about it, that we are unprepared for the heartache that swiftly follows such great joy. Promise. Expectation. 


There's my musings for the day.