The Jar Of Dreams

Every weekend away deserves at least one decent souvenir, and for once, I'm overjoyed with mine. The Jennings Brewery at Cockermouth struck on the fantastic idea of blending their beers into a range of jams, preserves and chutneys. On top of the Cocker Hoop Tomato & Apple Chutney, I availed myself of the Sneck Lifter Red Onion Marmalade. And unlike the tatty bookmarks I always used to end up with after school trips, they are genuinely something to treasure.

You see, it turns out that Sneck Lifter Red Onion Marmalade is the hitherto missing ingredient in the perfect cheese and ham sandwich that humankind has spent generations searching for. Without wishing to exaggerate, this discovery deserves a Nobel Prize at the very least. It's more important than any of that other shit scientists get up to; after all, no Large Hadron Collider has ever given me a decent sandwich.

Keep up the good work, Jennings. Your efforts may go unrewarded by the international community, but discerning butty-munchers everywhere salute you.