Haze

To be uncomfortably personal and terribly honest, I didn't know it would be so hard to move over something. Everybody keeps telling me that this is the natural response I should be giving but it's killing me. Maybe the point is to kill me and wait for a new one within me to emerge. Maybe the point is just to suffer, suffer until you know there is no way out and you actually walked your way into there and maybe the only solution is to abandon that body, room, life and start a new one. I don't know, but I'm pretty sure even with my embracing attitude towards sadness and brokenness, this is way too much for me.

On such "too much" days, yesterday (I'm writing this at 2.55 AM on Sunday, so) of south park and dinosaurs for instance, I wasn't left alone when I absolutely thought I was, which was a good thing because I've been told that I'm self-destructive nowadays (better physical than mental). And I sound too much like Oskar, obviously, but it's okay. Well, ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. Anyways, not only my best friend came, also the other one appeared, and my moon's boyfriend appeared too, and all was fine because they kept me off the ground. I lost the number of shots and french fries and how many times I called people with the wrong name and apologized for it, but it was fine because I was warm and Barkin hugged me and he let me be tired with him. He didn't say I'd heal if I gave myself the time like everybody else did; I just put my head there and soothed myself a little bit.

This photo, I love. I'll keep it for as long as I can. I really laughed, he really smiled, Idil really giggled, and maybe this too will pass.

My moon and my stars got home safely, and I hope everybody does.