Ghosts

After the sobering experience of BIH (the 3 month Bloody Infernal Headache) I'll admit to being a little apprehensive today when I went to see the ophthalmic consultant about some "ghosting" that tests had shown up behind my eye.
As ever with the NHS all the front line staff I met were fantastic, it really doesn't take any sort of genius to see that Admin Support & Multifarious Management Levels are where the problems are.
The specialist put me at ease straight away, and was clear he didn't think this ghost was related to the headaches - he asked me if I'd ever had a bad car crash or major head trauma, when I said "no" he quite smoothly, with not a raised eyebrow to be seen, told me that the other primary cause of this sort of scarring would be shaken or abused child syndrome - and suddenly a whole host of other ghosts were in the room, a defiant little boy, a mother too scared to help, a system not brave enough to do the right thing.
I left both relieved and wistful and headed up Kirkstone Pass, parking I made my way up to the standing stones and sat for a while.
I neither want, need or acknowledge any sympathy for a bad childhood, it was the start of a path I think I've walked well. I'm proud of the who & how of the life I've led, even if it's been difficult to come to terms with the why. I've written before about scars and the need for them to eventually be on the outside, about my belief that we're born with forward facing eyes for a reason - it could only raise a wry smile to know that sometimes we have scars we never knew were there, and perhaps they help us to focus in ways we can't see at the time.

And just before I got totally lost in my reverie I was spectacularly brought back to the here and now by this low altitude fly past.