Sea change

I came home to Sea Changes by Beck playing in my kitchen tonight. Hearing it again for the first time in years seems to have galvinised my thoughts enough to want to blip about 2016, a year of change.


Like the album this year has been at times blue and sadly melodic and at times deprecating but with moments of brilliance and hope. Stress at work, a loss of a special friend, the uncontrollable blossoming of confused emotions, thoughts and feelings from the children, that indicate the start of breaking away. THE NEVER ENDING GRIND.


I disappeared down a fair sized rabbit hole earlier this year from which I thankfully popped out, with the stark realisation that my life should be weighted differently, that things as they are cannot continue and I owe it to myself and my family to look for a different path. A path that works better for me and for them. Through much grimness, this has been a hopeful and exciting result. It will take time to extricate myself, but change is on the distant horizon.


Life continues to shift, having babies is all encompassing and limiting but then as they grow your role in their life moves from keeping them alive and laughing to keeping them emotionally sound and happy. That takes time and is proving to be a much harder and meatier role.


Lots of good things have happened however in 2016, such as continuing a passion for and developing new skillz with photography, having brilliant and enduring pals and watching the wee ones all sprout, each with their unique vibrant colours, has been intoxicating. However, watching them scratch each other's eyes out is exacerbating and watching the house deteriorate into utter chaos daily is mentalising but hey ho.


Getting to spend time together on our first family holiday together was a huge life affirming highlight and felt like another defining chink in mine and Andy’s ‘being an adult’ armour. That was good and it is only September.


So, ebbs and flows, ups and downs, tits and bums… ONWARDS.