A home is just a house

Some of you already know some of the ordeal I've been through the past couple of years, some don't, but almost no one knows the full story. Given that I've made the decision today (well I'm about 98.3333% sure) to sell my flat as a direct result of it, I thought I would finally share some of it.

I used to run a business for nearly 17 years. £1m+ turnover. 25 staff. Glasgow & London offices. Major clients. Started it all by myself from my kitchen. But the bigger it got, the more stressful it got. The last year was awful. Horrible clients, horrible debilitating stress and to make matters worse it seemed half my close family was diagnosed with cancer (and my dog Ozzie was in and out of surgery for months). I just needed to get out.

So when a group of 3 "investors" approached with an offer (2014), I took it. Wasn't a great offer. No more really than the money I had invested in the company over the years, but paid back to me over 2 years. I took it nonetheless and thought at least now I can spend some time learning how to relax again.

Didn't have a clue what I was going to do next. But I had time to work that out. So to give me something to do, I bought a camera and went out every day taking photos. The relief when out was palpable. Almost too palpable - I needed to do it every day, all day just for that escape from everything. But, turned out I had a talent for landscape photography and what was just something to do turned in to something that might just be my next career.

I remember the day I found out that 8 of my images had been shortlisted in the 1st Scottish Landscape Photographer of the Year competition -despite taking them in my first 4 weeks of shooting. I burst in to tears because that recognition of what I was doing meant so much to me.

I was gradually losing the stress when I got a phone call 5 months after selling (to cut a very long story short) and found out the "investors" had taken all the money out the company, the other directors had liquidated it to save it and to top it all, a business loan that was in my name and should have been transferred to the new owners was still in my name. Oh, and the money stopped coming in. And of course my stress levels shot straight back up.

The was nothing I could do (according to the lawyers) but I so needed the escape the photography gave me that I just couldn't stop doing it. What little money I had went towards it. No income, but still out every day (30,000 miles in a year) because I had found something that I cared deeply about and needed to keep me sane.

As the bank balance drained I looked at ways to make the photography pay. I'd started selling work by this point and the stubborn (or stupid) streak in me just ploughed on regardless.

Over the past few months I've done art gallery exhibitions, art fairs, craft fairs and markets and the odd bit of tuition. And, I'll be honest, I've sold more than I thought I would. But it just wasn't enough - for one big reason. Debt! 

Over the years I'd borrowed, remortgaged and so on to invest in the company. Often as a "match funding" type of deal. The depressing fact is, I'm still paying for all that now despite the fact I no longer own the business and it doesn't even exist any more. Whilst the new owners (and there's another story in that too) run around playing "business" with something that I created, and I'm sat here hoping this ancient computer doesn't crash before the end of this, whilst wearing boots that my Dad gave because all my other footwear is full of holes.

That said, I'm not feeling sorry for myself. I'm just telling you how it is. I don't have the energy for grudges or regrets ( apart from not having a good lawyer at the time of the deal). My stress levels are still sky high, but it's crunch time and I'm lucky enough that one action will probably make the world of difference. 

I love this flat. Have lived here for 16 years and got it just the way I want it (though the crappy photo above shows that's it's full of prints and frames and easels cluttering up every room). But by selling it and moving somewhere else it means I can put all this behind me. I can pay off my debts. I can move somewhere else and be mortgage free. And suddenly the whole photography thing becomes a real viable option. No more worrying about the cost of filling up the van with petrol to go on a wee jaunt up and down Scotland. Joy!

If you've read this far - well done you. I thank you for all your support. I thank you for following me. I thank you for every comment, star or heart. I thank anyone that has ever bought a print from me that helped me keep going and funded new work.

So, the next few weeks will probably be spent painting and plastering (I still have a huge hole in my bedroom ceiling) and hoping that the place is worth enough to make this work.

I love this flat. I love this area. But it's just stone and wood. I'm looking forward to the next chapter.

Thanks
Neil