More pills

In a very, very thoughtful place tonight. Having taken the advice I was given last week I went to see a GP at my local surgery today and was given antidepressants and two weeks off work.

For months now I've been suffering badly with fatigue that has no organic explanation so the theory is that it's psychological / emotional. And I fit the bill; I just don't like it very much. Two things I've always felt were important - coping, and not taking unnecessary medication. Yet here we are ... But it's not just the tiredness. I've become obsessed with things, and can't relax. I've forgotten how to let go. And I have a lot of anger inside, which has spilled over in the last couple of weeks.

But of course now I feel guilty; about not going to work, about deadlines, about leaving colleagues to cope. I really feel cornered.

The pills by the way don't work straight away they take about three weeks to kick in (at which point I imagine I find myself singing "Happy" and dancing in the street like Pharrell Williams; although I know it won't really be like that). In the meantime, which is another reason for having time off work, there are temporary side effects for a couple of weeks whilst your brain chemistry adjusts (nausea, sleep disturbance, dry mouth, oh and ironically - tiredness).

I am, as they say, conflicted. But I will probably take the pills and take the time off because I am, at the end of the day, also a bit desperate for a way forward.

Meanwhile the Brexit thing is probably reason enough for taking something to lift you. In fact the entire population of Britain will probably be on Prozac by the time we actually do leave Europe. I am not  sure what staggers me more: the lies and hypocrisy of the Leave campaigners, the ineptitude of Jeremy Corbin, the crashing economy or the appalling wave of racism that is now out there. I predicted all of these things but you didn't have to own  a genuine fully functioning widescreen state of the art crystal ball to see it coming. Which is what disappoints so much; so many people I credit with intelligence seemed to have put their brains in their back pockets on this one.

There I go again, getting angry. Take the pills, take the pills ...