SNAIL TALES

“Good day, Lady and Gentle-Snails! This is Trevor Slug, your favourite commentator, speaking from the greatest snail-racing stadium of them all, the lettuce patch of Auntie Donna! Ahead of us we have what should be an unforgettable day, in which the great Trailblazer will try to beat, for the fifth time, his own world speed record...
Here he is now, entering the arena, doing his famous warm-up exercises...The participants take their places at the starting line, and the race begins!... As always, Trailblazer takes a few centimetres lead and continues putting daylight between himself and the competition... his progress is spectacular; he has taken less than ten minutes to cover the first metre, and he’s approaching the finishing line way out in front...
Just a moment! What is that?!"........"Attention all spectators! These are the emergency services speaking to you on the PA system... We have an emergency, a bird has entered Auntie Donna’s vegetable patch! Everyone run and hide under the nearest lettuce leaf.. we repeat, everyone run and hide under the nearest lettuce leaf!........
ssshhh.... hello, if you are wondering, this is Trevor Slug, reporting the emergency in whispers, live from under a lettuce leaf. Practically all the snails are safe, but Trailblazer is still out on the racetrack! He seems to have great confidence that his lightning speed will allow him to escape... there we see him, saluting the cameras with cheerful gestures, still determined to beat his record... Oh no!!
Ladies and gents, a great tragedy has just occurred. The incredible reflexes and speed of Trailblazer were just not enough to help him escape a high velocity bird swoop. This is, without doubt, a great calamity for the sport of snail-racing. We can still see, with our own antennae, the bird flying away with our champion in its claws...
But wait!, the bird has let Trailblazer escape! He's falling... Incredible! He has fallen right by me! Run, champion, run! Come over here and hide!
......
This is just spectacular! We have kept silent for several minutes, and have been able to witness, live and close-up, Trailblazer's incredible adventure. Only by a matter of millimetres did he escape certain death. Congratulations, champ! Do you have anything to say to everyone watching?"
"Yes, Trevor. I have a fear of death, and didn't realise that - despite being the fastest snail ever - I could never hope to match the speed of a bird. To tell you the truth, I was a bit lucky. My shell is slightly damaged, but… I've learnt a good lesson in humility!"
"That's right, Trailblazer. We hope that everyone watching will have learned that to be good at something doesn't make us invincible...
Well, folks, here we're going to have to bring the program to an end. We hope you have enjoyed witnessing this historic moment, and don't forget....
Eat the lettuce when you want to, there's too much for Aunt Donna!