Gifts

I received this last week from a very kind friend. Somebody who thought of me when suffering herself. And what a thoughtful gift it is. I have to say that my camera just wouldn't cooperate and I struggled to get a good picture. This one has one of the words obscured, but together they say "courage" and "smile". How very apt. 

And it seems to be the two most prevalent words in my life over the last few months. Dear God, I've lost count of the number of times I've had to be brave and smile! But I've done it. And I shall do it many more times I'm sure.

It doesn't really feel much like Summer at the moment. It's drizzled all day and it was quite cool. We had a tea party for the children this afternoon to celebrate the Queen's birthday. They enjoyed it. 

I've never felt more sure that I need to leave. I don't fit in there, and as a friend reminded me, I don't want to fit in there. I'm not the same as them. I would miss the children, but I think if I can just take that leap, take a risk, then I might be ok. And if I don't I'll never know. There is a whole world out there, and yet I feel as if I'm just killing time.

If I had more time, I could devote myself more fully to securing that change. But as it stands I have zero time, and if I do I'm usually too tired to turn my attention to it. I've resigned myself to attending to it in the Summer holidays.