Salt River

I took this before date No. 5 with Brittany. This was a birthday party for her best friend. Meeting more of her friends! How unusual for me. But it was fun. Lots of fun.

I got over some of my cowardice and held her hand when we were at a club later. She didn't pull away and then drive home. She held my hand back! I know this is crazy for a 33-year-old, but I get really anxious.

Eight years of being single really got into my head. My subconscious always told me I was worthless and didn't deserve a relationship. It told me that women despise me. My friends told me none of that is true, but I couldn't believe it. I still grasp at it; maybe as a backup or a way to not be hurt. I can't explain it other than by calling it my Dark Passenger like Dexter does.

I kissed her cheek at the end of the date. That's fun. I really had to push through the doubt, but I went for it. I'm still afraid, but I'm having some fun and feeling a bit more relaxed.

She's coming over Tuesday to watch a movie. Oh boy.