5 months. And a week.

Dear you,

It has been 5 months and a week. 

A part of me cannot believe that it has been 5 months and a week, and another part cannot believe that it has only been 5 months and a week. 

But it has been a wonderful 5 months and a week. 

The things that I have learned these past 5 months. And a week. 

1) That I am a very, very, very selfish and prideful person. I think I have known that for a while, but now that majority of my decisions has to be made with you in the picture, I began to see my selfishness and pride more. 
But that was only the first layer. 
The second layer consists of our humanness. I began to see your brokenness, and instead of approaching it with grace and love, I broke it down with judgment and comparison. Not to others, but to myself. I thought I did not have unrealistic expectations, for the relationship or for you, but I did. And oh, how I want to apologize. 
You told me the other day when I asked you if you have noticed my unrealistic expectations, that you did. I was shocked that you never addressed it. 
That was when I saw how important forgiveness is. 

2) Which is the second topic. 
You have been teaching me what true forgiveness is. Right from the start, you would constantly tell me that you do not hold grudges, or that my past is never that important to you. I took all those for granted. I listened, but never fully processed them. 
As we began to hurt each other because of our "human ways", I held unto your failures tightly while you looked at mine lightly. Even if I was the wrong one, you would ask if I was okay at the end of a disagreement. I'll have to admit, sometimes that made me more angry on the inside because your kindness did not make sense in those moments. 

Oh, have I taken you for granted. 

3) Which is the last topic. 

My unrealistic expectations, sadly, may have damaged our relationship sometimes. I may not have voiced some of them out, because I knew they were unrealistic. 
I wanted you to be... perfect. Perfect in a way that I would not have to worry about taking care of you because I wanted you to take care of me. Perfect so I don't have to emotionally invest in you, so you can invest in me more. Perfect so I won't have to worry about arguments or potentially getting hurt from this relationship. 

But then when you are "perfect", I took it as pride and wanted to humble you. Because I was imperfect, I wanted to see your damage sides so I can feel better about myself. 






I'm sorry. 


It is in these moments when I look back at these past 5 months and a week, and cannot help but wonder, 


why do you love... me?






Despite of your imperfections and how your jokes annoy the hell out of me sometimes, your love for me has healed me in ways that I could not have imagined. 
Despite of my moments of imperfections, you have held me in your arms and reassured me that, you love me and that I am not ruined. 






It has been scary for me to say this these past few months but, 


I love you.










And I want to promise you that as we continue on this journey together, I want to start loving you more better. Stronger.

Selflessly.
Humbly. 
Patiently. 



And unconditionally. 






Thank you for loving me.