King's Day 2016

What a busy day. I am shattered.....

Another joyous work day. Actually it's been ok recently, I've been making sure that there is a big emphasis on fun. 

I was busy because I had to be organised so that I could go out tonight. Normally on Wednesdays I have my session with A, and then I go to gym in the evening, so it's a bit of a rush getting fed and changed etc and then off to the next thing. I forgot to change my appointment with A, as it would have been better to see her yesterday so that I could get away early after school.

School has been very busy this week, and there have been some issues with children in my class, so there's been a lot going on. I accidentally found a chart about all of the teaching staff left out in the copy room when I was in there, and it didn't take me long to find myself on it, even though it was supposedly anonymous, with us known as "Teacher A, Teacher B, etc". It irritated me, as whatever you are doing, it feels like it will never be enough. I try to remember that I give the children something more than just academia, and I am hopefully giving them a good emotional base and the ability to lead fulfilling and satisfying lives. Such is life in 2016, that the next generation may well be good at maths and spelling, but what's the point if they're emotionally fucked up?! I had an observation yesterday (we have them termly) and I got very good feedback. I don't take compliments very well, but it was nice to know a parent was singing my praises this week and recognising the happy atmosphere we provide. It makes me happy to see them bounce in and feel happy to come to school. I've used the word happy a lot here ;-)

Anyway, I dashed home quickly after school to change, and then drove to A's for my appointment. It was a good session, and it always goes so fast. I told her I was nervous about going out tonight. She asked me if the anxiety was enough to stop me from going, and I said no. I think that's a good thing. Anxiety probably isn't the right word for it though, more just 'uncomfortable feelings'. A is on holiday for two weeks now so I'm hoping that it is uneventful for me in the meantime. 

The traffic was dreadful so I made it to the station only minutes before the fast train left, and had to catch the slow one. I sat opposite a lady who was telling a friend of hers about a private members club she attends, and I made a mental note to google it later.

I got to Waterloo just after 7pm, and got straight on the tube. By this point I really needed the loo, and the goal was just to get to the pub asap! It was a bit weird to be there on a weeknight, and I felt tired before I started. But it was good too. My heart sank as I turned the corner, and lo and behold, a long line of orange people queuing around the block! Fail! I joined them at the back, and wished I had been able to come earlier, and hoping it wouldn't be a three hour wait like the World Cup was....I got to talking with a guy who was waiting for his friends. We chatted a bit, and he told me he worked in Amsterdam for four years. His friends decided it wasn't worth queuing, so he wished me good luck and departed. It wasn't too bad. All the people were in good spirits, and the queue moved fast. Twenty minutes later I was in. Sometimes it pays to be a one ;-) 

It was a good night. The pub was rammed as expected, and people really were shoulder to shoulder. K was there, and another of guy friend's friends who I haven't seen for ages. We spent a lot of the evening talking, and it was nice to catch up. The usual music was played, and everybody was in high spirits. 

K and I didn't really have a chance to catch up, it wasn't really about that tonight, so we said we need to catch up properly soon. She's a teacher too, so it was annoying for us both, and others, to have to keep one eye on the time all night!  

It was good fun, and nice to be out on a 'school night'. I was pooped by 11pm really, but I stayed until 12:15am as I knew I could not risk missing the train home. It had rained outside, and I went with a girl I'd met back to Waterloo. I knew the way to walk and she didn't, but luckily the tube was still open so I stayed warm :-) After we parted, I sat in Costa again, as there kind of isn't anything else to do. 

As I walked to the platform, a guy told me I had stripes on my face, and also that my hair looked gorgeous. It was nice to get a compliment, even though I don't think it's true. 

And then, on the very last train at 1am, I started to feel really, really, really tired. It was quite quiet on the train, which is always a bit dangerous. I remembered that I do have the alarm set on my phone for 01:55am, which is about 10 minutes before it reaches my station! 

I drove home in the freezing cold- seriously, how can it be only 8 degrees at the end of April? And as I put my key in the door, I heard a thud, and then a shake, and then the sound of dog paws on the stairs. Little B came all the way down to greet me, wagged his tail, sniffled my handbag and then took himself back up to bed :-) I literally crept around so as not to wake anyone, left my clothes in various piles on my floor, and then took my make up off in the dark. Pj's on and into bed. It took me a little while to relax and fall asleep, so it must have been nearly 3am. And I have to get up for work in three hours....

I had fun tonight. It gives me something, I can't explain it. I want more of the fun stuff. Since Tim, I haven't had a lot of fun. In a way, it was the best time for it to happen, as my gloom coincided with the dreariest months of the year. And I spent those months hiding out, waiting to feel better. I'm not all the way there yet, but I'm getting there. And nights like this remind me that I can be happy, and life does go on. It might not be exactly as you want it, but there are still positives and it is not the end. I guess the next step is continuing to try to make those changes so that I am leading the best life that I can. 

Going to be tired tomorrow...;-)