Good Grief 151

Thank goodness for blip, I say.

Struggling to keep going at work I was ready to do a runner today, feeling tearful, overwhelmed by the enormity of it, the feeling of human blotting paper, especially after an arduous day yesterday. It was ok when my husband was alive, even when he was so ill. Although days could be a struggle, it was different and he was there to come home to, to love, be loved, a deep sense of connectedness which enabled a sense of being 'plugged in', not just to him but to everything else and feeling part of the world. There was some sense of a feedback, an alternating current that enabled being in the world with more energy. Now if feels more like a direct current, one way, energy quickly dissipating and just running out of steam with much more limited feedback somehow, or, to quote British Rail ... the wrong sort that doesn't provide a good charge.

Anyway, today I was about to run out of steam and abandon ship but as I sat crying (boringly, again) luckily well out of the way of anyone - I was in a quiet room writing up notes ... I saw these guys, the light, the shadows, the metaphor .... and thought ... blip ... bloody marvellous, I say.

... reader .... I stayed ...