Day 298: - Insomnia

It’s a type of torture.
An especially cruel torture because it is basically self-inflicted.
The only thing stopping you from sleeping is you.
Your stupid, tired, hyperactive, self-destructive brain.
You are exhausted physically and mentally.
A couple of hours ago you had to use every fibre of self restraint to stop yourself from falling asleep at the wheel of the car, or in a meeting, or eating a meal or watching TV.
You knew that you shouldn’t fall asleep on the sofa watching TV because then your stupid brain would trick itself into thinking you’d had your sleep for the night.
You knew your only chance was to be so completely knackered when you went to bed, your safe place, your comfortable place, the place where you know you have your allotted time for sleep, the place where your stupid brain should be recharging itself for tomorrow, that you would do what you should be able to do without even trying, what unafflicted people take for granted. Fall asleep. 
You might as well have taken that nap.
Tomorrow you will not be able to function properly.
You will be an irritable, weepy, irrational, forgetful, incompetent zombie.
Your stupid brain will be crying out for the rest it denied itself.
You’ve tried it all.
Meditation. Breathing exercises. Mindfulness. Herbal supplements. Cold room, warm room, quiet room, white noise, music, socks on, socks off, ear plugs, eye mask, warm bath, hot milk, exercise, no exercise, alcohol, no alcohol, no food after 5pm, no chocolate, no cheese, you’ve had NO CAFFEINE SINCE THE TURN OF THE MILLENIUM, reading, no reading, no phones/ipads/laptops, new mattress, new pillows, new duvet, blah blah blah.
At 4am, when you have been trying to get to sleep for 5 hours, the person sleeping next to you coughs or snores or sneezes or moves and you convince yourself that this is the reason you cannot sleep and you contemplate murder.
It’s not a good place to be.
 
   
Next stop, hypnotherapy.  It can’t get any worse than it is.