Oak leaves in the snow

You gotta love Oak leaves. Here it is March and they still hold on to their trees. They have faced rain, snow and wicked hard wind but, they are still there.

Today it snowed. I went back to work. It was OK. There is still so much to do here at this house. Why do I feel I have to do it all at once?
We packed up some of Dad's clothing for Goodwill and when I held his corduroy trousers I collapsed into tears. He wore them every day in the winter. How many times had I washed them then hung them up so they would be creased perfectly? It hit me in the gut like a punch. The sobs came hard. You know the type that grabs your stomach and makes you want to vomit. Since my father died, I have never cried so much in my life. I am trying something new this time. When the tears come, I will let them flow. When Mom died I stopped them and held them back. Not this time.

It's the common things that make me sad. His favorite worn out clothing. The sweaters and cords that he wouldn't let me throw out. Even clearing out his everyday toiletries was hard........ I may be doing this too soon.

I started taking down pictures that my sisters wanted and the walls are becoming bare. I look at them knowing that They can be replaced by my own photos and paintings. The furniture can be rearranged and the walls painted.........but not today. It doesn't have to be done today. No matter what I do, it will still be my childhood home. I feel safe here.

I didn't want to do another sad blip however, it's cathartic to write this down. It's feels lighter to let these feelings out. Thanks for listening.

On a bright note, I found my pencil case filled with chocolate eggs this morning.
Some days do rock.

G'day down under and good night to the north.