Defeat

How sad that admitting to myself that I am not physically able to function has been made really difficult...BY ME!  Not wanting to let students or colleagues down, I have been my own worst enemy.  My day confined to bed yesterday has pretty much proved that to me.

However, emerging from darkness, I see the light and the error of my misplaced sense of guilt.  I am quick to tell others that they must put themselves first.  Time I did the same until this forthcoming surgery provides some enlightenment about how bad things are and hopefully leads to me seeing some improvement.  I can cope with many things, but being in this much pain, it is one thing I can't function with.

There is a plan.  I feel better for knowing that this is the case.

So not really defeat.  Realism?  Common sense prevailing above all else? (Unlikely, before Kaybee laughs!)  Realising that I am not indispensable and accepting it.  Yeah, I think that's it.