Explation

We acquire the strength we have overcome. - Ralph Waldo Emerson 

Grief is an indescribable feeling. That missing piece of your puzzle is the only thing that is making you feel like this but the only thing that cannot be replaced. I’ve heard many a person say “get over it”. This will be forever be an unfair and cruel comment to make. Because of this kind of attitude I tend hide my sadness because I have a reputation of being a happy go luck girl and a confidant. I just don't want to shatter the image that people have of me. Also i don't want to appear weak. 

The loss of my mother and now my father have most certainly made me stronger. Grief at times has left me broken too. But now I’m doing better but I can say sometimes it is a struggle. I am learning to take the negative energy into doing something amazing. All that anger, that frustration and the long for love is helping me turned into becoming the best person you can ever be. It will be a rough road there but I can all make it. But to be quite honest I don’t really have a choice. I either give up or fight so hard. It’s okay not to be okay. I have surround myself with things that will make me feel fortunate. I don’t feel very fortunate. I really don’t. But I know that I am fortunate enough to have opportunities which can help me give back to those who really are much less fortunate than me. Things like this are key in becoming a better person. A happier person. Seeing someone else smile, because YOU made them smile will make you feel warm inside no matter how distraught i am.

Life is hard. And so we are reminded all the time. Those that have never suffered like this will never actually truly believe that heartache is real. Believe me, my heartaches. It aches for what was supposed to be, for that missing piece of the puzzle. It’s exhausted and it craves the attention and love that it needs to be healthy and complete again No one wants to live their life like this. No one wants to feel continuous heart ache.

I am very thankful for my friends, who knew both my parents they are always reminding me of their memories which then leads in the beautiful memories I have of my father and mother. But sadly the reality is that it’s not always like that. I am at this moment packing up my childhood home and sometimes the memories are too hard to think about. The photos, the videos, the stories just bring it all back. It simply just reinforces the fact that the they aren't here anymore.

So unfortunately, my grief has no time limit. There’s no easy button. And there’s no way to fast-forward through the my feelings and I have to work out.