Blue

I snapped this in a little side road near A's house, while I was waiting for my appointment. My processing skills don't remotely do it justice.

We have been spoilt with several lovely days in a row, where although it's frosty to start, you can just feel that Spring is almost in the air, and you can almost touch it.

So much so that I have managed to get away with wearing just a t-shirt ;-) It's been a horrible week quite frankly. Last night the dreaded phone call came at 2am that sister number two had done something stupid, so to A & E my dad and I went. I've been sleeping in 2 hour blocks and spend a lot of nights awake, and worrying, so it was good in a way to put my insomnia to good use. My mum couldn't go as she had a bladder infection. It's very peaceful going out in the middle of the night, and although I hadn't planned on driving, I managed for the first time in two weeks. I went home about 3:30am, my dad stayed. Little B was curled up in a ball on my mum's bed, and we had two cups of tea and sat up chatting until dad came back at 5:30am. 

Then I took Little B in with me, where we catnapped until 9am. And despite it being bright and gloriously sunny, the day deteriorated from there. Now I was grateful I didn't have to be at work, and therefore could sleep in/take a nap later. Let's just say others in the same boat were unable to focus on their blessings ;-)

I was looking forward to seeing A. She lives in a small and more rural town that I, and it's always a pretty drive, although the traffic can sometimes be a nightmare. But the session was quite a difficult one. I sensed she was unhappy about me going for free CBT sessions for my anxiety, which I've waited three months to get, despite discussing it with her earlier. I love going to A, and I dread the thought of not. But we talked about hard stuff, including what happened last night, and I had a bit of a cry. I rarely cry in therapy, but hell, it's been a fucking horrible, even nightmarish five months, I think it was bound to happen! She said maybe I need to let it out. I came home feeling run ragged. I am overtired, and I do cry when I'm overtired, much like a kid!

My other sister came over at 6pm, and we talked about life. It was good, as we don't see that much of her, and it's been a process of trying to rebuild our relationship. 

What a day.