Rules of the summer fair

Rules of the school summer fair

For all kids:

Eat about 17 fairy cakes in four minutes and go mental
Keep going on the stage, even though every two minutes a teacher announces "can everyone get off the stage"
Be disappointed at the lucky dip. Keep paying for more turns and get more disappointed with each go
Ask for more cake
Keep pestering your parents to buy other people's junk
Spend your pocket money buying cakes that your mum made and donated
Spend a lot of time at the cake stall
Eat more cake

Rules for my mum only:

Make a beeline for the "£1.50 for 3 guesses: which bottles of wine contain real wine?" stall
Take less than 2 seconds to point out the three real bottles of wine so that no-one is under any doubt that you like wine
Confuse the stallholders (a teaching assistant and a flustered father) by presuming you have won all three bottles of wine
Walk away with three bottles of wine
Get dirty looks from the flustered father for the rest of the day

Offer to buy anything your grandson picks up and shows a slight interest in
Buy an excess amount of raffle tickets so that your deserving grandson is likely to win something

For parents:

Wonder why you have ended up buying loads of other peoples junk when you've just donated your own
Be slightly miffed that the cakes you made are the last ones left
Lose count of how many cakes you have allowed your kid to eat