The Prince and the Pigeons

'Look Pete, there's no need to get your feathers in a fix. I just asked if it was you who shat on my head? You must admit it's tricky to tell you lot apart? I just feel that I've sat here for years; bum growing numb on this saddle; subjects rushing past in increasingly strange garb, not a bow or a curtsey from one of them any more; usurped by Abercrombie and Fitch.....and I deserve a bit of respect!

Does the Divine Right of Kings no longer mean anything? I don't want to hark back to the olden days, but seriously Pete, you'd have been well and truly roasted in my time, probably inside a goose with a nightingale stuffed up your rear end!

Oh and now you've brought your mates, more dry cleaning bills! Cheers Pete!'

(And if that wasn't enough ignominy.....)