Christmas Sing Along

At the Royal Albert Hall. My first visit actually. My friend Kay suggested it back in August I think. 

I do hate Christmas, so I was a bit wary before I went, with regards to whether or not it was really my thing. Truth be told I was afraid I wouldn't be able to fake being happy, and I have in the past felt panicky at events like this when other stuff is on my mind.

I'm happy to report that despite all the Christmas songs, it was truly a lovely event, and I thoroughly enjoyed it. The lights fascinated me, the orchestra were brilliant, as were the choir and conductor. The lady singer was fab, and she had a real presence. I believe it's still on so I recommend it if you want to feel Christmassy and all that.

Enjoyed walking around in London today, despite the grey and drizzle. I wore my new Jack Wills coat that I opened that ill-fated weekend. I felt a bit more confident I suppose, and tried to imagine what it might be like commuting in and out on a daily basis. I certainly felt a bit more empowered.

We had a nice catch up, but didn't stay for dinner as Kay and to be back early. I had a relaxing bath when I got home, and then chilled. I felt quite peaceful, and perhaps liked that feeling a bit too much as I stayed up till 1am. It just seems silly to go to bed when I can revel in calmness.

It's really hard. This weekend last year, Tim took me ice-skating at the Natural History Museum, and I came back up the next day to relax and watch a film at his house. I had anxiety after that afternoon, but felt happy and very undeserving of all the attention and quite excited/bemused by how much he liked me, and the feeling was very mutual despite my anxiety. 

And how could I predict that a year later I'd be here? It was a wonderful year in many ways, but it's not the same now. I want to go back in time. Now all I have are my memories I suppose.