Diffuse

It's been yet another foul Saturday. There seems to have been so many this year. I'd love to do a statistical analysis to work out whether that's actually true or just the result of my perception and the fact that I've remembered the bad ones and not registered the good ones. We do tend to see what we want to see.

I've been reminded so much of that this last week. I've not had much clarity around anything. Diffuse would be a good description of my state of mind, my energies being all smeared out. Things have been exacerbated by having to deal with people who have their own fixed view of the world and interpret everything they see in terms of that skewed reality, ignoring the facts that can't be made to fit. I normally see the world in every shade of grey imaginable. Nothing is ever black or white. Everything is to be questioned and open to different interpretations. It's exhausting!

I've been like that for as long as I can remember. It has never made for an easy life, always being able to see both sides of the argument, always wanting to understand the choices that people make, ever trying to adapt my model of the world to meet the facts as I see them. I console myself with the thought that it's probably just as hard for the person with their utterly fixed view of the world to understand me as it is for me to understand them. How do you breach that kind of impasse?

I woke up after a very difficult week feeling quite empty. Seeing the terrible forecast, I got out for a long run on the moor, catching just a little bit of diffuse sunshine before the rain swept in. I arrived back just in time. There has been no let up since. Some perspective has been gained. And I feel far less exhausted for some hard exercise!