I like driving in my car

Not so much any more.

There are many things that frustrate me on the 500 miles of driving that I do each week. I could write an essay. In fact I just did then when I clicked preview, BLIP lost it all. Grrrrrrrr.

So, here I go again. My top road annoyances. If I cause offence to anyone...aaaah bugger it, you must have a guilty conscience. (NB I am not a perfect driver by any stretch - but I do try to show consideration for my fellow drivers, and even more so since I passed my bike test. In fact, driving behaviour scares me so much that I have rarely been out on my bike this year for fear of being knocked off by someone exhibiting some of the behaviours listed below)

1. Headlights - yes its dark ... but they don't need to be on full beam. And as for fog lights ....don't get me started

2. Indicators - go on, give us a clue. And by the way, if you've already cut me up, its too late to bloody indicate then. And another thing, when you have done your manoeuvre please switch the little flashy light off!

3. Mirrors - to be used to see whether it is safe to change lanes, turn etc. Not to be used for applying lipstick, mascara, having a shave or checking that your hair is beautiful. Doing those things is called "Driving without due care and attention"

4. Mobile phones - driving with them held to your ear is ILLEGAL. That means you shouldn't do it. Aaaah go on - that call is really desperate. Maybe you will be able to use the phone to make your phone call home after the police arrest you for causing a serious accident. Really, phones shouldn't be used...I have had so many "near misses" with vehicles where the driver has been driving one handed whilst using their phone in the other hand. But for some, breaking the law doesn't apply to them until they get caught I guess.

5. Tailgating - really, if I wanted you to join me in the car, I would open the flipping boot! Its called a "safe braking distance" for a reason - and if you get any closer, I will just slow down to give myself more distance in front of me, just in case you decide you want to crash into me! Oh, and those traffic jams we keep getting stuck in are usually caused by people driving too close - phantom traffic queues are caused by compression waves...

6. Lane discipline - the white lines are something that you should stay between. In the past week I have been nearly clipped by 3 drivers who did not show any semblance of lane discipline. One incident was particularly hairy ? a lorry in the lanes either side of me - both of whom started drifting into my lane - nowhere to go.....I almost got my wish to be slim!

7. Observing road markings - yellow hatched boxes, "Keep Clear" markings, Yellow zig zig lines outside of school, Double yellows ...maybe they are just there so that someone can have a job painting them......??????

8. Courtesy - if someone lets you in, acknowledge them please. And if you can let someone out, that would be nice too.

9. Parking - the white lines are to show you the space that you need to park in. No, it is not acceptable to have 2 spaces ? I don't care if you can't park your car properly - learn, or take the bloody bus. And anybody who parks in a disabled spot or a "Mother and Baby" spot who does not fit the criteria - you should be ashamed of yourselves - its despicable...my poor old gramps on a number of occasions couldn't park in a disabled spot, which he was entitled to do, because some jumped up t**t in a flashy sports car clearly thought it was his right to park there instead.

10. The hard shoulder - is for breaking down on. It is not your private high speed lane (certainly not on the M6/M62/M60! I know in London its being used as an additional lane sometimes BUT UP NORTH IT ISN?T!!!) I am waiting for the day I actually see a Police Car "do" someone for this - if the rest of us have to sit in a traffic jam, I don't see why some people think they can just jump the queue. We're British - be patient!!!!)

11. Middle lane driving - exactly WHAT IS IT that these people are overtaking? Tonight, I overtook 19 cars (I counted) sat in the middle lane, with nothing in Lane 1, and at no point did my speedo go over 65 mph. And even when I pulled into Lane 1 after overtaking them all, not one of them moved over. Maybe its invisible cars that I just can't see.

For those of you, who like me, are getting frustrated with your fellow drivers, I find that the "Waving of an angry fist", the "one finger salute" and the mouthing of a word that rhymes with "banker" often makes me feel much better.

Take care driving to work guys :-)