How deep is your love?

Deep enough to help your partner catch a bowel motion?

Luckily, Diana hasn't put my love to the test. Yet!

Inspired by the instructions on the Bowel Cancer Screening Program test kit that Diana received in the post, quote:

Collecting First Sample

It is important that the bowel motion you take the sample from has not been in the toilet bowl as this could affect the test results. Suggested ways to catch your bowel motion are:

~ Hold folded lengths of toilet paper
~ Cover your hand in a small plastic bag
~ Use a clean disposable container, e.g. an ice cream or margarine tub
~ Equip your partner with a catchers mask and glove, bend over and push hard

OK, I added the last one myself, but that list still makes for hilarious reading. I have some added advice for Diana based on each option:

~ Toilet paper - forget it, use kitchen roll and don't skimp. We can afford it
~ Plastic bag - DO NOT use a carrier bag. They have holes in the bottom. I have some extra strong refuse sacks in the garage. They can take serious punishment
~ Ice cream tub - We have a lot and I mean a lot of tupperware. DO NOT be tempted to use that. Grounds for divorce. We also have an almost full tub of salted caramel ice cream in the freezer. I'm willing to take one for the team and eat the lot in one sitting if it would help
~ Catchers glove and mask - You're welcome to my last Rolo but I AM NOT standing at the end of the bed to catch anything!

Almost the weekend. I might actually make myself useful for a change.