Sleeperless in Waverley

There's a joy after a gruelling day at work (ok, I may be overstating this) - to be called and told that the sleeper service will be departing from Glasgow. But there'll be buses to take us to Carstairs. What joy: there to hop aboard the sleeper at around the back of 1am. No buffet and whisky as we gently pull out of Waverley.
Effin eff.
So I took myself off to the diggers for a quickie, no, a swifty. And then at the station I discovered the first class lounge was closed - I was going to be charged 30p forra pee! This was really taking the piss. MrP of old sprang to life - hurdle the turnstile! Ouch.
So, Carstairs, here we come. That's where real headcases are put, Ken Livingstone (note to those abroad: he said someone should see a psychiatrist, shock horror). Nutter.