There were time, when I said, hold me back

I have spoken before of my love for Mog; and my complete and utter distress of her passing. 

It was with some trepidation therefore I sat down in front of PC to watch Sainsbury's Christmas Ad.  

I have been having somewhat a lot of trouble with tears this week. Normally I watch Children In Need with somewhat detachment.  I don't cry, I'm not compelled to donate relentlessly; don't get me wrong, I'm not hard hearted, I do have my melting points, but not when it comes to over commercialised star-studded begging;  charity should start at home - and those over-paid loons on the TV should start by emptying their pockets before pleading with us to part with our dosh. 

But, on the One Show,  they have a Rickshaw challenge and perhaps a month ago they began introducing the team.  One night, just the same as any others,  I looked up, and watched, and as tears ran down my face, I picked up my phone and text the donation line. 

I'm not 100% sure why this one touched such a nerve; but I phoned Himself, and confessed that I had broken, and had donated.  I also left him a text to tell him not to ask my why I felt I had to donate, because I didn't think I could tell him without crying. 

I left it at that, and I've watched other members being introduced, - no effect on me whatsoever. 

Two nights ago; the wee team were in the midst of their cycle, and that one member's name was mentioned; I looked up, and promptly burst into tears again; Himself grabbed for the TV box and quickly flicked it over, looking at me in absolute distress.

I tried through my tears to tell him, why it made me so upset, but it was impossible. I was an impossible mess.   

So, you can understand how nervous I was about confronting the resurrected Mog.   Would my emotions be able to stand the stress? 

Pft.  Not at all.  I watched it, grinning like a lunatic, tears streaming down my face, and trying desperately hard not to think about all the times I stood howling in Waterstones in front of "Goodbye Mog".