Open Letter from Sharm

Dear Blippers,
 
Thank you so much for your interest in my welfare.
 
My extended holiday includes free board and lodging, free laundry, free drinks and access to some amazing beaches, swimming in warm water, snorkeling, diving, paragliding (not that I am doing this but it’s there if I wished).
 
Now the nice Mr. Cameron wants to repatriate me!
 
 I have no wish to be repatriated. I could spend the winter out here.
Instead there is all this international kerfuffle trying to get us holidaymakers off our sun loungers and back into winter clothes.
 
Why should I want to leave all this and go back to Scotland to face gale force winds, snow, ice and subzero temperatures? No thank you.
 
So my luggage is going back by ship. Does this mean I get extra weight allowance? Our rep is unable to confirm this.
 
He does not share my sense of urgency. In fact he was quite off-hand about it. Maybe I ought to slip him some money. Apparently that seems to work a treat at Sharm airport. Better still to demand a wheelchair on arrival and you get fast-forwarded through security - none of this safety lark.
 
Mr. Putin wants his people back " tout suite," “pronto” and they have been pulled off their sun loungers, told to stop drinking their vodka, get rid of all that sun lotion, dressed and move themselves sharpish to the airport. After all when the order comes from Moscow to get home fast you don’t hang around; a bit of push and shove does no harm.
Naturally there have been some complaints - in the Daily Mail - about them queue jumping.

But the Russians did not get where they are by forming polite queues.
Also they have sharp elbows.
 
The positive side to all this is that I do not have to get up at 5.30 am to bag a sun lounger now the Russians have gone.
    
Meanwhile I am perfecting my suntan. Oh yes, I am learning towel art.