The Wood for the Trees

I can't see through it....

Woke up feeling like I'd lost everything. Felt pretty panicky, and upset because I never feel like that. I got dressed, and went to my mum's, where I had a good cry. My dad was there too, and while he's not good at dealing with uncomfortable subjects such as "feelings", despite having three daughters, he was in a good mood and he did offer some advice. 

He made Spiced Quince Jelly yesterday, and I had a piece of toast with it on. I felt exhausted. My good friend called and invited me to go for a walk at Virginia Water. I didn't really want to go, and she knew that, but she dragged me out anyway.

And it did help. We were out in the sunshine, the fresh air, and it did feel better than sitting at home staring at a screen. We walked the whole way around the lake, which is 4 and a half miles, and my legs felt a bit shaky. We stopped off for a drink, and lots more talking.

I decided not to go to work the next day. I need some time to get my head in gear.

This is horrible, but I know that I caused it, and I should have seen it coming.