I ask you to do one thing...

I spent some considerable time today at the top of a ladder.  Not a short ladder but a long, wobbly, creaking 10 steps ladder.  It used to be my Grandma's ladder though why she needed 10 steps I can't recall.  Maybe to be closer to heaven, after all she was a good Methodist.  And so was I.  I once sang "My Song is Love Unknown" at the anniversary day.  I was about 8 and hadn't a clue what it was the anniversary of and I still haven't.  Anyway I was chosen because I had the looks and voice of an angel.  Can't argue with that.  That's why I used to get filled in at junior school quite a lot.  But it had its advantages, all the girls in senior school wanted to cuddle me.  I liked that.

Anyway I digress.  This morning I was summoned by Godzilla aka MrsDB and presented with a GU10 bulb.  (She knows about these things) "Replace that dud bulb or you'll be dead meat", she said without any hint of a smile.  She has been asking since March but I've managed to put her off with promises of light nights returning soon.  I reckoned maybe it was time to do what I was being told.  

Our kitchen ceiling is 10' 6" high so I needed to be quite close to the top steps to change the bulb.  Now these steps are about 50 years old and wobble a lot and I'm a bit older that that and I wobble a lot too.   At that height there is nothing to hold on to so my health and safety is all down to my nimble footedness and breathtaking agility.  

I reached the giddy heights, my palms sweating, knees creaking, buttocks clenched and reached out to release the clip on the bulb holder. so far so good.  SWMBO held the steps for me whilst watching that antiques programme that starts at 8am and finished just before the 9pm news.  The ladder swayed and she grabbed it which made me lose my balance and I scolded her with "Steady darling".  She responded with "Wuss".  You can take the woman out of Sunderland but you can't take….

After much fiddling and giddiness I finished the job.  Proud of my achievement I stood back to admire my handiwork then tried the switch. Kerching!  We had light again after 9 months.  I tidied up and called Godzilla through to see how well it worked.  She was amazed and made a move towards my shaking body.  I recoiled, fearing uninvited contact - I am always in trouble for that.  I was too slow, she grabbed my arm and dragged beneath the light.  I reluctantly puckered and tightened my lips for my reward.  She looked into my eyes…  "I asked you to one thing and you can't do that properly" she hissed venomously.  And she pointed out the fingerprints around the chrome fitting and spat out the words "Clean it".  

It's back up the ladder for me when the light nights return.