Speaks LOUDLY

Friday, I sent my child off to school with an emotional hug, and words of love.  I arrived at work, and started attending to my pile of emails, voice messages, and full mailbox.  Suddenly I heard urgent voices in the hallway, and quickly learned that all the schools in our county were in distress, and were either locking down, or evacuating.  There had been a rumor of a retaliation shooting to occur somewhere in our county's school.  With the horrors from the day before, in a nearby community, swirling around in our minds, we found ourselves forced to take such a threat seriously, even though it was unclear how valid this threat could be.  With my work building locked down, I quickly called Sugar's school to find that indeed her school was locked down as well, and police where present on campus. I was told to hold tight.  I hung up and quickly informed all fellow workers whose children share the same school as mine. Then I returned to my office and choked back tears....choked back fears.........

I found myself searching the Internet for the most recent news of this threat.  I soon found that the threat was likely unfounded.  Most schools chose to remain in varying states of lockdown, while parents flooded the campuses to gather children.  Police remained.  I swallowed my knee jerk reactions, and found myself thinking, "I won't live in fear...I won't live in fear...I won't be terrorized in my own community."  Since Sugar's school remained in what they called a "soft lock down", and the police were on campus, I chose to leave Sugar in school until the end of the day.  I closed my eyes and realized that she was likely safer than she had ever been at school....or ever would be.  Today would NOT be the day.  If I let fear move me today.......what about tomorrow?  What about next week?  Will I let fear rule my life?  Rule Sugar's life?  This day.....I chose......NO!

I won't say that the day was easy....It wasn't.  I counted down the minutes until I could have Sugar in my arms.  I texted her teacher and asked her to let Sugar know that "I have been informed all day of the situation.  I have chosen to keep you in school because I believe you are safe.  I love you, and will see you soon."  It occurred to me that she might be waiting for me to show up like many of the other parents. I would never want her to feel that I won't come when she needs me.  NEVER. 

At the end of the school day, a few of us friends gathered for Ice Cream, figuring that some sugar would somehow ease our emotional distress.  The children told us their tale.  There had been fear....there had been worry.....I wish I could have shouldered that experience for my girl, but in the end....there were things to learn from this.  It wasn't exactly a drill, but it wasn't exactly real.  I believe that this experience helped the school district identify areas that need further thought....further action.  For this I"m grateful.  My girl and I....we had lots of discussion.  We are better for it. 

When we finally arrived home, I wrote these 4 words down.  I looked at them....I wondered where they belonged because they did NOT belong in my heart......they did NOT belong in Sugar's heart.  We wanted to let them go......and we will let them go......even if it takes some time. 

PS.  If you are unsure of the events of the previous day....visit THIS post.