Toys, toys, toys

Well it's been another full on and exhausting few days...

We're definitely into a new phase which is tempestuous to say the least.  But I do feel that I'm starting to tell the difference between the grief and distress meltdown as opposed to the toddler melt down. Sometimes  the toddler strop can go too far and can then tip little un into the grief and distress mindset which is a complicating factor, but it's a tightrope that I'm learning to walk. 

The main difference between adoption and biological parenting is  that when dealing with toddler situations, we are starting from a position of having no trust, credibility or authority. The attachment isn't there yet... Little un doesn't know that we are going to take care of her and can't predict how we will react, as we have no track record... So she fluctuates between total rejection and extreme clinginess... All this is happening at exactly the same age and stage that children naturally assert their independence whilst also learning that they're not the centre of the universe.  We have to unpick what is a fear, what is a test, and what is an attachment anxiety and then respond accordingly...

Tales of woe this week  include:

her having an extreme clingy period where she wouldn't be put down... this would have been fine, but it was at a point when I needed to get dressed.  In the end I managed to do it whilst holding her... (to clarify, this included putting on a bra and fastening it at the back,  getting a vest and shirt on over my head and putting on leggings and socks all without letting go of her or sitting down. She just doesn't understand that I have physical limits, although I am also learning that I can do more than I would have previously thought. 

Having to wash Teddy (he got poo on him.. and you have to draw the line somewhere ) 

However highlights include: 

A good visit from the health visitor, who is a helpful, supportive mumsy type and sympathetic  to the requirements of adopted children.

Going to soft play this afternoon, with Granny Annie,  and watching little un giggle like mad whilst racing another little boy on the slides... She really knows how to be happy when opportunities arise...

opening the mystery gift from 'Aunty Kate'  and discovering this really cool magnetic dress up doll set... it's just like the old paper dollies, but better... Little un likes playing with it  and so do I :-) 

And on that note, the generosity of friends is lovely... I have a little stash of toys and books in the cupboard so that we can dish these out gradually... we don't want to overwhelm little un with new things, but it also means that when I'm flagging I have a backstop of new entertainments...  it's lovely that we're so supported.