No (a)peel

Yesterday, I had to go shopping for something 'smart' to wear to a work function.

Now, I realise that this isn't a very girly thing to admit - but I absolutely loathe shopping for clothes....and here, for your consideration, are my reasons why.

a) Changing rooms: These are surely the work of the devil. In my bedroom mirror, I look like a perfectly normal fat person - but in the M&S torture chambers, every lump, bump and cellulite thigh looks like something you'd see on that tv programme - 'Excruciating Bodies That Should Be Permanently Hidden Under a Kaftan'.

b) Dress size: Either I have an arse that inflates on the hour, every hour, or clothing sizes vary to a ridiculous degree. I bought two pairs of trousers from the same shop yesterday, and they're three whole sizes apart. How??

c) I don't suit skirts. Or trousers. Or anything with a high neck. Or a low neck. Or short sleeves. Or frills. Or.......you get the idea. Basically, I look ok in a towel.

I wonder if 'frump' is fashionable this season?