The Wedding

This is Mairin. She was a wee angel all day and a marvellous flower girl.

The wedding itself was a lovely affair. The bride was beautiful, the groom impeccable, the weather... well, typically Scottish. That is to say it was pissing down!

Aside from the weather, the only other glitch to the day was the fact that the florist's truck broke down on the way to deliver the flowers to bride and groom. Both did turn up eventually. The rest of the day flowed smoothly. The ceremony was most definitely a little less than traditional. I can honestly say that this was the first wedding I ever heard zombies being mentioned in the reading! On to lunch and given the weather, the restaurant couldn't have done more for us as we all turned up an hour early. The meal was delicious. Final stop of the day was to the pub for the evening reception where lots of fun was had for the bride and groom with family and friends. Congratulations Mr and Mrs Thomson.

Susan/Kirk, if you are reading this don't take anything personally from what follows. These are my thoughts about the "wedding shoot" photographic experience and are in no way related to the day itself.

Wedding photography is not for me. My worst nightmares were almost all realised. There were a couple of things I discovered. It all goes soooo fast and unless you absolutely know exactly what you are doing, there is very little time to react.

The day started badly. Rain meant there would be no outdoor shoot and my knowledge of flash photography definitely needs work. When we arrived at the registry office I was taken aside by the registrar and told that far from the 40 mins I was told I'd have to shoot the wedding party, I would have only 5 mins at each of the three locations. This had two effects. Firstly, it got my mind racing as to what I was going to do after the ceremony with the little time I had and secondly, it took my eye off the ball with what I had to do before and I forgot to attach my battery pack to the flash. During the ceremony itself I was boxed into one corner, which means I have a lot of lovely shots of the bride and the back of the groom's head... and little else. Just as the ceremony ended my flash went. With no time to get my pack my flash shots were limited.

The three in 5 mins shoot was just as bad. This is where someone who knew what they were doing might have been able to do the shots, in reality, I spent a few flustered minutes trying to think what the hell to shoot in each place. As a result, there was very little in the way of direction from me and essentially I got a few shots of whatever happened to be the pose at the time.

Moving on to the restaurant, the cake had been positioned in a corner away from any natural light coming in from the windows. The flash shots were terrible as was the composition. I don't think I actually have a shot of the complete cake with the pair of them and most of the others have a glaring white burst on the top left from the flash bounce off of... something. The restaurant offered the larger main restaurant for the group shots and

Actually, I just can't go on. Safe to say it was a disaster! I've tried looking at the shots I got a few times now and I just don't know where to start (this is one of the few I have actually been able to at least decide on a treatment for). I told Susan that asking me to do this was a massive risk and unfortunately for them, it didn't pay off. They didn't have a traditional wedding and for damn sure, they aren't going to get a traditional wedding album, IF I can recover enough images to produce one.

I can't tell you how depressed I am about the whole experience and gutted for them. Although it won't make up for it, I'm going to give them some money so they can organise a portrait shoot with someone who knows what they are doing, so at least they might have something they can hang on their wall or put in a frame.

NEVER AGAIN! My days as a wedding photographer are over. Period.