One year.

I actually wrote many different versions of what I wanted to post for this entry, but nothing.
Letters from the Teyen that graduated a year ago or just a simple reflection on how this one year went.

But nothing.

I think it's because I am still speechless at how far I've come. Two teaching jobs, new church, new ministry position, grad school in three weeks and potentially citizenship. The new friends I've made and the people I've bumped into. The people I serve with now and the many different co-workers I've worked with.

I would have never, ever expected any of this to happen.

When I graduated a year ago, I just started my very first teaching job in Chinatown and thought that that was it. Then maybe grad school after two years of teaching. Maybe more. Or even after getting married.

God had such a different and more exciting plan for me.

One whole year.


I've changed so much too that it's been exhausting trying to feel comfortable in my own skin again. The professional side of Teyen, the ministry side of Teyen, and then the "old and still a college student" Teyen when I am out with friends.



Then there's loneliness.


When a college student now asks me, how is it out in the real world? The first thing that always pops into my mind would be loneliness. You feel more lonely in amidst of all the sudden grown up things you have to learn. You would feel more lost amongst the older and more experienced coworkers. And while you are adjusting to all this, your close friends starts taking on their own paths and nobody knows how to support anybody anymore.
Sometimes it is not a bad thing though. When you are finally alone with yourself, you can choose to treasure it. It's moments like those that you begin to really see who you are for yourself. Those thoughts that comes to you when it's pure silence. Those actions that you make when you are truly alone.

My mom once asked me when I am in those moments, do I end up loving myself more?

I'm not sure. Sometimes. Maybe. Not always.

But I've been embracing it more and more because it has helped me depend on Him more.



One year.



I still feel so young and lost in this world.

Take it day by day.
Take it day by day.


And then one year passes.




Oh, man.

And boy, did I look happy the day I finished my undergrad.


Grad school, here I come.