210 Days of School a.k.a. My Life is a Mess

I’m getting older. We all are, at the exact same rate, and perhaps that should comfort me, but it doesn’t. I feel like my life is accelerated, flying by me, faster and faster as the days go by. As of yesterday I only have 210 days of high school left.  That’s it, and then we’re sort of on our own in this world. Maybe I’m being dramatic. You see, I have no idea what I’m going to do after these 210 days. I’m no longer at an age where that’s alright; I don’t have plenty of time before it’s going to matter. I look around me and I see everyone talking about what colleges they want to go to, what degrees they’re going for, what jobs they’re going to have, they have their whole life planned out already, they know exactly what they want. I don’t.  I have no idea what I want, or I guess I can’t narrow it down to one thing. I can’t imagine picking one thing to do for the rest of my life when I know so little of the world around me, and if we’re being honest, which I decided to do a long time ago on here, it scares the crap out of me.  Why doesn’t America have a gap year like they do in other countries? In places like England, not only is University a whole lot cheaper than over her, but they have a gap year in between high school and college, where they are encouraged to go out and have life experiences and see new places, and I strongly believe that we should have that over here. I need a chance to see what’s out there before I decide what part of it I want. I would be making a completely uneducated decision if I chose my life path right now. But these things don’t seem to bother other kids my age, and it makes me feel like I’m alone and being ridiculous and I’m just not good enough at anything to make a living off of it. Maybe that’s true. I can see my life going in a million directions.  I want to be a Psychologist, and a writer, and a thousand of incredibly random things, including but not limited to: a tour guide, a worker at the turtle hospital in Florida, someone who tests the elasticity of bouncy balls, a chemist, a researcher working on the blood brain barrier, and a fantasy broker. Oh dear lord, what a mess I’m going to be after these last 210 school days. What a mess I am now.  That little girl in the picture had no idea how confused she was going to be 10 years down the road.