Just chillin'

No wand helped with this mess. I went through pictures today. Actually I went through tons of things today. My basement flooded. Things are ruined. Little parts of my past. Big parts of my past. I am done crying now, I think. When we moved into my dad's house there was no room for most of our things. We stuffed a lot in boxes in the basement. We put a 1600 square foot home into about 3 rooms. So this was stuff we really wanted to keep. Actually there were 8 unmatched socks and 3 dirty wine glasses in one box. I think that explains that.
I spent two days cleaning things out. Throwing stuff away and saying goodbye to things. Just things. I am sure they are just things. I keep telling myself they are just things. Yet tears come.
Why are we defined by things? Why is it I can hold a bowl or a mug and feel a memory? I remember visiting different second hand book stores and building collections of books with my husband. It wasn't about the books. It was about bonding and spending time together. There were many many boxes of wet and destroyed books. They are waiting to be taken to the dump. My luggage, gone. I remember packing them and carrying them through airports. They have no value, just memories. I can let them go.
My neighbor Susan came over for two days and helped me. She made visits to the dump with me and cheered me on. I am humbled with gratitude. When the neighbor on the other side (doglog boy) stopped over today and said I am here to help what do you need? He asked what he could do and told me to call him and always ask if we needed anything. I cried. People come through when you last expect it. My faith is restored.
Today I found myself numb. I couldn't feel anymore. I am sad but I was focused on cleaning and dumping. Common sense took over and I was ruthless in dumping things.
My husband is in pain. This was devastating for him. These were rare expensive books. But it wasn't about value, it was the memories. We always have those.
I will be ok,
I found a box of soap. Odd soap. I am so happy I found it. I opened a very fancy box and I went back in time. I looked at a hand shaped soap holding a heart and felt the lightness of a birthday party when a dear friend spent $35.00 on this piece of extravagant art for me as she knew I could never justify spending that......on soap. Now that friend is in an Alzheimer's facility and the vibrant woman who was so important to me is gone. I held the hand and felt her. She would not remember the party, I will remember it for her. It was hard to find Henry's toys that found their way into boxes that were packed. I felt his loss all over again.
I am exhausted and I rambled. I needed to post this because it's my journal and I am recording my life. I hope my friends understand. Thanks for being there.
Oh and the picture? That is my neice Jen. I am taking a cue from her. I am just gonna chill!
So G'day Downunder, and sweet dreams to the north.