Catch me if you can

I've had an epiphany. No, no one's been squirting water up my bottom, that would be an enema. No, a sudden realization;, an explanation for an irrational behaviour and its thanks to the book Pear Shaped by Adam Blain, which I would encourage you to purchase regardless of whether or not you will ever read it. Adam has brain cancer, has survived these past 10 months since diagnosis and all proceeds from the sale of the book will help his family to cope financially should he lose his fight against this awful illness.

Anyway, onto my epiphany. I'm doing the London to Brighton cycle ride in June and as part of my preparation, go out for a longish ride each Sunday with Mick. Mick is a little slower than me, so I let him lead so that he sets the pace. This system works great until we encounter a big hill at which point something comes over me and I attack the hill as though my life depended on it leaving poor old Mick in my wake. Week after week I apologise for this apparent show of superior strength/speed, assuring Mick that this is not why I do it, but truth is I don't know, or at least didn't know why I do it until I read Adam's book. That was the 'light bulb' moment. You see, I've had cancer twice, first time in 1999 and then again in 2013, and you know what those hills are all about? It's me saying 'you've had me twice, but look at what I can still do, and if you want me again, you're going to have to catch me'.

A bit deep, but there you have it. Will I alter my behaviour now that I have reationalised it. Hell no! Let your guard down and it will creep back up on you. It's sneaky like that.

One more thing that I noted from Adam's book is how we give our illness an identity, a persona.  Adam refers to the cancerous part of his brain that was removed as the Pear because of its size and shape. For me, it's a little pewter figure of death who has made several appearances in past blips. Interestingly we both refer to them fondly, not a trace of malice even though they have tried and keep on trying to kill us. Figure that out.

Good luck Adam - keep on keeping one step ahead