A question of Port...

I was working today.

At various points, and in no particular order, I was asked the following questions...

'I get headaches when I drink sherry. Would you recommend port instead?'
No. Do I look like Oz Clarke?

'Do you check passports?'
No, this is a pharmacy.

'Can I buy 20 Viagra without a prescription if I pay cash?'
No, this is a legitimate pharmacy.

'Can I give my dog aspirin? He's got a headache.'
No. I'm almost a doctor, not nearly a vet.

And my particular favourite....

'I've got umpteen bottles of excess breast milk in my fridge, and I don't want to waste them. Can I use them in baking?'
NO. I am neither a health visitor, nor Mary Berry! Go and phone Nigella Lawson.

If you don't see me for a while, it's because I'm hiding under the bed with some Maltesers and a winebox......