Day ninety-nine: free

This has been kind of a stressful week. I am dog and house-sitting. While I love the dogs and the house is fine, I tired and really didn't think about how much work this was all going to be. My bed is going to feel sooo good this weekend!

Even though I am tired and stressed and the timing was not ideal, one of my friends cared enough about me to tell me the truth so that I would not be sucker-punched farther down the road: he saw on Facebook that my ex-boyfriend and his girlfriend are now engaged. I got to say, when I heard this, I literally lost my breath.

I texted a couple of friends and my sisters. All came forth with an outpouring of love. Two friends offered to drop everything to come and see me. I thanked them, but said no. I had to go on the desk and needed to get through this.

I posted on Facebook, to a select few, that I was sure there was a plan, but I was numbed and could sure use some hugs and prayers. Just a few moments before I was going on the desk, dear sweet Lyle came down to my office and said, "I came to give you a hug." The two L's are some of the sweetest and kindest people I know. He listened to me and hugged me and told me that I am nothing like her...meaning it wouldn't have worked out. I know this.

After Lyle left, I went to my desk and prayed. Actually I just talked, or rather babbled, to God. I said that I knew there was a plan, I didn't know what it was, but that I knew there was a plan.

I went out to do my hours at the reference desk, still a little numbed. Not sad or mad or scared, just shocked and numb. I started to internally talk to God again and then it happened: I felt free. A feel like I had been submerged a long time, and now I could breathe deeply.

I am not sure why their engagement was the final thing that allowed me to fee free, but it did. I feel like I am done. Chapter closed. Not that I was thinking or even hoping that he would come back, but this incident allowed me to close this chapter in my life.

I am thankful to my friends who reached out to me so kindly. It was just so giving and therapeutic; I am in awe. I am thankful for my friends and family who are truly there with me, supporting me, and behind me. I feel held and guided away from something toxic and moving toward something better, healthier, greater. I really feel freed and released from all that has tied me down.

I like the sliver of moon hanging out above the rooftops tonight. The space around the moon feels free and open and good.

Goodness, I am so VERY thankful I am free!