Lyrical enlightenment

Last August I bought 2 tickets to see John Smith at St Philips in Salford. A date rescheduling meant that it was to be tonight as opposed to last year.
I understood the circumstances of Alexander having the girls on Fridays & with his recent arrival home, it would have been unfair to expect more rescheduling.
I did consider going by myself or asking someone else to come with me but I thought better of it in the end. I bought the tickets for us - he & I. Despite not personally listening to his music for a few months, it was Alex that introduced me to John Smith and the songs have formed their own place (good & bad) within our relationship - so it would have lacked something to not share it with him.
Thinking about how long I've had the tickets in my possession & the last visit to see John Smith, I unexpectedly found myself reading over some entries from the past year.
I was actually really shocked & hurt to see just how much of a dark place I really was in....so much inner turmoil, apathy, anxiety & self loathing.
I read a lot of unpleasant writings & I realise that perhaps I really was a more unstable, depressive and ill person than I thought at the time - or even before reading the entries.
I hardly recognised myself.
Following this continued revelation, I am even more determined to never revisit that place again. I'm happily at the other side & am insightful to enough to reflect now.
I see the dramatic shortcomings & hypocrisy I displayed & I ache for the upset I caused that one person who frequently tried to help but I wouldn't allow him to.
I'm really desperately sorry to the man who I called "My Bear". I was a pretty horrible person for that period of time - a thing of the past, thankfully.
So...my thanks go partially to John Smith, I'm sure his performance was as captivating as ever, I was enlightened in his absence tonight.