Monochrome

Okay, after uploading all my back blips I've finally caught up! Sorry!
But yes, monochrome is how I feel, one thing just continually going over and over again.
Lets start with my exam- i missed out on lunch because it was over lunch- THIS IS CHILD ABUSE. But then i completley mucked up my Anthology, i just really think i have. Not going to lie, english really isn't my strongest subject, and with supply teachers at the moment, just before our exam it's really not helping.
I feel that everything is just going round in circles, i mean the sun is out and everything but I don't want to be outside, i just want to be inside on my own? It's good now my next exam isn't until like 3 weeks- the joys!
But have you ever felt so close to someone or something that you feel like you're losing it or them? That's exactly how i feel now. I just feel that i'm being drifted away, or pushed away from their life. It's a horrible feeling and I hate, and i don't know whether they're intending to do this or not.
Also when people say something, but they don't realise how much it actually hurts you. Most girls wake up in the morning and put on their makeup (or dip their face in the tin is most cases in my school) but i wake up and put a smile on, and when someone says that you look weird or stupid and insults you for being you, when you're meant to be the closest person to them, it really hurts. And i don't know whether they realize that it hurts me or not, but all i have to do is stand their and take it, keeping a smile on my face.
Sorry for the long blip, but yes. This is how I am feeling right now..
Ps, the bird house (made by my very lovely Grandaddy, yes I am 14, nearly 15 and he is still the best person in my life, i don't care what people may say.) May be feeling how i feel right now, broken. Like someones removed a piece of you and it can't be replaced without removing the rest and starting again afresh.