Andy is 42 today

I sent a card this week.  Just a simple one, when it would have been so very different if we were all still together.  The kids used to get ones with 'You're like a Dad to me' and I would always try to find a purple ronnie one as we thought the poems were funny.  I have been thinking for the past month whether I should send him one or not...........I guess I know in my heart it doesn't make any difference to him....but my heart is still in his, and I just couldn't let it pass without wishing him a happy day.
It was a picture of a chimp on the front with a big wide smile and a 'Happy Birthday' text, and a simple 'have a great day' inside.
I wanted to write in it......lots of words, but I know for certain that would be foolish.  So I simply just wrote our names.
I thought he might have sent an email, although I didn't really want it - he'd have said something simple and short like "thanks for the card.  Hope you're all doing good"......which would just tell me again that he has no concept whatsoever of what he has done to me, and the kids.
But nothing - and I can't decide which is worse.

I logged on to facebook today, and as I'm still friends with his Mum, the top post was a picture of Andy as he was at about 9 years old.  It's a gorgeous photo - one I have always loved, and have in my own folders of photographs.  She says she hopes her little boy has a great day, that she loves him with all her heart.  She is such a loving and caring woman, but I sat and just crumbled.  Of course she loves him as much as ever - like I will always my own Son.....but I couldn't help but think of the chats we have had over the years about how honorable, caring, humble and loving Andy has been to me and my kids.........how much a gentleman he has always been......and yet he has so utterly destroyed me..........and it's as if he's still as good as he has always been........but that's not true any more.  It's just not.............he has been incredibly cruel.  Built his own happiness on the back of destroying me......and never, not once, gave me any tiny clue he was going to leave.
I have been crying for the past 3 hours.  I am desperate for this pain to stop.  I read on FB that his Mum is expecting him there for the weekend, and Andy's new girlfriend posted she was looking forward to it.
It's awful to be the one left behind.  How I am forgotten, and they will all be together, and I won't be there...........in fact, his family will at best be trying to forget me altogether, to make way for his new love.

The picture I posted was from the meal we all had on Andy's 40th.  It was on his actual birthday as I took him to Austria snowboarding for his 'proper' gift.

I guess he was bored with me - looking at FB I could see he had been to a Celtic game and a theatre production with his new girlfriend.
Was life with me so boring......we didn't do as much as we used to....but then, we were supposed to be going to Florida, and saving up for that.  But, we had gone away a weekend camping......

I wish him a wonderful birthday.  I do hope he's happy.
For God knows, as much as my heart is breaking, I do want him to be happy..........it's just hard to accept it's without me.