There has been times in my life where I thought I was independent. When I would travel on my own, perhaps go for food on my own or even shopping on my own. Was that really my idea of independence? When I knew at the end of the day my opinion didn't matter and what I bought and what I ate was relying on some boy telling me what to do? Well, not in so many words.


 Yet people always say when you buy new underwear or even get your hair done ‘who for? Who for?’ That is, and always will be, the most unbearable thing about being single, is people who are in relationships telling you how to feel. Granted, I was probably guilty of it at some points but as all my friends are older now it seems more of an astonishment of being able to do things and have things just for yourself. I would gladly buy a whole of the sexiest lingerie around just for the sole purpose of feeling beautiful in my own skin, and not having someone to justify it, or even judge me on my choices.
 
I thought I was independent when I wrote my blog ‘I put myself first’. But how can anyone be independent when they sit up crying with their new boyfriend, say twice a week about how different life is now or how things have changed. How could I ever think that was independence when I was waiting for someone at the other end to tell me how I should feel?
 
I’ve come to the conclusion that being independent isn’t doing things on your own or going shopping, or even having a lot of ‘me time’. Being independent is relying on yourself for justification of how you feel or a definition of who you want to be. Firstly, never let anyone define who you are, ever. Secondly, you are the only person who is guaranteed to be with you forever, so love yourself, and care for yourself. Be someone who you would admire, be your own hero.  


If I hadn't said this then please let me, it has taken me years of self-grief, heartbreak and under estimating to come to where I am- which is contentment. To know kindness, you first must know sorrow, to lose everything and have all your plans slip through the fingers. You must feel yourself slipping into change and the unknown in a way you never wanted it too. Don’t be afraid to be free and get to know yourself and just be more accepting of who you are or who you want to be.
 

I am independent, why? Because this is who I am.








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