Another story

Many people have asked how we enjoyed our cruise.
I feel I am now ready to divulge the whole sordid story.

Day one saw us arrive at South Tenerife airport, and promptly we alighted our coach to take us to the ship, and the drive along the coast line took us past the pleasant vistas of oil refineries and oil rigs. Just like home; even the sun refused to shine.
On arrival at the quay, our home for the next week awaited. A very organised check in then took place, where they had a quite popular disabled/wheelchair part of the counter. The long line did not take too long to get to the end of, and soon we were identifying our luggage, which would meet us by our cabin. On embarking we were assigned a staff member to show is to our cabin on deck 7.
Our cabin was less than luxurious, in fact less than a Holiday Inn Express room; with a bathroom, that, were cats permitted on board, they would not be able to enjoy being swung about in it.
After dinner we attended the first entertainment show performed by the entertainment crew, preceded by a live covers band. This was this first of the 'eye openers' of the week. Whilst the band were playing a slow number, a couple of fairy rough looking lesbians got up on stage and started dancing. Now I use the word dancing very loosely here, as their dance involved a lot of snogging and extremely close body contact and hands on backsides and other area.
This was not what anyone wanted to see whatever their preferences are.
Once the actual show started, she climbed back up on the stage and started waving here arms in the air trying to generate audience participation. Even her partner was embarrassed by this.

The following morning at the buffet breakfast on the pool deck, we spotted a woman aged, at the very least in her late 50's, wearing a leopard print onesie. With ears.
Now I am no fan of these particular type of clothing, but the place for wearing them, if there is such a place, it is not on a cruise liner.

Nor is it the place for football tops. I do love football, but I neither own, nor wish to own a football top. If I did own one it would be worn to go to football. Nowhere else. Sadly though, there were some people who would disagree with me. There were a few men and children wearing these un-necessary garments on board.

One day whilst taking our place on the sunbathing deck, leaving it too late to get a prime spot, and being unwilling to get up early and reserve a couple of good beds by leaving our towels on a bed, we were left with having to claim two beds on the starboard side walkway. The bed next to us had already been occupied as there were, not one, but two towels sporting huge England logos on them. June had to move out of the way, a pint of lager, to get access to her bed. Within moments, a scrawny man in his late 30's early 40's appeared and immediately started talking to June, about how he was a cruise virgin and how he bought a new pair of trainers for £160 and he was going to put them in his suitcase when he gets home and keep them for his next holidays.
According to June he permeated the smell of alcohol, which was verified by his wife appearing a few moments later to chastise him for drinking before walking off and leaving him. Happily though, despite plenty of waiting staff going about, he decided he needed to pay attention to the bar again.
We saw him a couple of times after that, once at the evening show several days later wearing a beige suit and matching fedora, both slightly too large for him, but looking good enough, like somebody from Cuba in the fifties as June thought. But, guess what? He was still wearing his trainers.
The last time we saw him was the second last day of the holiday, where he swore he wouldn't go on another cruise, as he felt sea sick all the time. Maybe it was the alcohol rather than the Atlantic swell. His wife however, informed us that she was going to go on another cruise even if he didn't.

Around the second day I spotted a man, of around my age, going into one of the two poolside jacuzzis wearing a pair of long cargo pants shorts and a t shirt. The same jacuzzis that were for over 16 yr olds only. But were mainly used by under 16 yr olds.
Because the weather was not overly warm, hovering around 20 degrees centigrade, accompanied by the sea breeze, the two small pools were hardly ever occupied. And if the weather was warmer, it wouldn't have taken long for them to be full
But seeing some of the sunbathers fully clothed or, in the case of one man, wearing long trousers, shoes with socks, shirt and a hooded sweat shirt, I doubt if some would venture into them. There were a couple of Muslims on board, in clothing befitting their religion, who were wearing less than some holiday makers.
One afternoon we decided to go to one of the forward lounges on deck 9 for a quiet mid afternoon martini/cocktail. It was nice and relaxing, with the sun beaming in the large windows. We whiled the time away watching half a dozen or so ants wander aimlessly about the highly, polished wooden surface. Now where they came from is anybody's guess, but they did add some interest for us both.

There was one formal evening, which was not compulsory, but I did don, my handmade tux, and June finally got the chance to wear the beautiful beaded evening jacket that she purchased on our last cruise over 11 years ago.
As I stated, it wasn't compulsory, but if you are going to participate in the evening at least make an effort folks. No madam, a thin summer, sleeveless jump suit that looks like it was bought in Primark, should not in anyway be construed as making an effort. And not in anyway being sizist, the ladies shape was not becoming of the outfit.

There was one poor old dear, who must have though we were on the QE2 or something, as she wondered about the ship in a real fur jacket, spoiled only by the fact she was wearing jeans and trainers. She was 90 if she was a day.

As I mentioned in one of my Blips, for want of anything better to do, we went to watch some karaoke one evening. I hate karaoke, but sometimes you do hear some good singers. Not this time though. A couple of average ones, but mainly the type that don't know the words, despite them being on the screen, and don't know the tune, despite it being played over the p.a. system.
All of this matters not, as they can't carry a tune anyway.
One particular lady that fell into this category, and who happened to be our cabin neighbour, a northern soul fan, ( you could tell by the t-shirt she wore,) but looked like a biker, decided she was going to attempt singing Mustang Sally. Attempted murder more like. I was lucky, I could just take out my hearing aids.
Afterwords she began to regale us, much to her husband's embarrassment, with the the tale of how her aforementioned spouse 'naturally' blocked their cabin toilet.
Quality passengers abound.
I thought for a moment that we had accidentally booked ourselves on a bad Disney cruise, due to the amount of characters there were on board.
But, no, it was Thomson's.
June met one lady on the last day just as we were picking up our hand luggage and leaving the ship who, at a couple of ports of call, tried to book flights home, but with no luck.

It wasn't that bad; on the questionnaire, all the boxes were ticked. The staff were exceedingly friendly, sometimes too smiley, and not because they were hankering for tips, as tips was included in the cost, but because that's how they were trained. The food was alright, plenty of it as usual, but the selection was less than we have had on other vessels.
A word should be given to the entertainment crew, who worked incredibly hard and long. Two shows a night, different shows every night. Some worked wonderfully, Moulen Rouge especially, some didn't, the Beatles tribute night springs to mind , and the afternoon murder mystery, where the culprit and means of murder was too obvious and simple, that we tried to be too clever.

They also did all the quizzes, poolside parties and bingo. No, we never went near the latter. I do have a limit to my tolerance. I also avoided the ' swaying of the arms in the air ' to certain tunes being played or sung.

To summarise. Would I cruise again?
Most likely.
Would I go on a Thomson's one?
No bleeding chance.
Cruising used to be realm of the elite class.

Now it's the realm of the hobbling class.

Benidorm on the ocean.

As you can see the picture is not related to the story, but that's another story