On the Outside Looking In

My post as a Studio Manager was advertised internally within the Radio division of the BBC today, to find a replacement ready for when I leave at the end of March.  It was a little taster of what it will be like to be on the outside looking in after working there all my adult life.  My emotions are already all over the place after the loss of my Dad, and seeing the job advert in black and white on the screen just added to the sense of my world being dismantled piece by piece at an ever-increasing rate of acceleration.  To be fair, I would have developed this feeling - albeit at a less alarming pace - even if I had stayed with the BBC for five more years until I am 60, because the atmosphere and ethos of the organisation as a whole has changed almost beyond recognition.  Despite my sadness at leaving all my lovely workmates on a local level, I am relieved to be able to go before I become well and truly disillusioned with the way things at the Corporation are going.

I had quite a big cry in the car on the way home tonight.  Luckily, though, it's book club this evening so I'll be with the Chesham Ladies in a short while for a bit of normality and jolly company.  And so, after the struggles and heartbreak of the past few months, the slow journey back into everyday life continues.