Huh?

This was going to be a long ramble about Active Oxygen being a scam; something made-up by a marketing department after an especially long lunch. And then I plugged the term into the Interweb and found out, to my amazement, that it's a really real thing! 

Now I know this I want to make it clear that I don't want that idle oxygen any more. In fact I think that only having the slow, lazy oxygen is what has led me to be slow, fat and lazy. If I'd been born in the south with all the posh folk I'd have had active oxygen morning, noon and night. In Manchester in the 50s and 60s we only got the slow, sluggish oxygen. I don't think active oxygen will have been available in Manchester before Selfridges started selling it in Kilner jars when they opened in Exchange Square in 2002. While we were growing up with Brian and Michael singing about "Matchstick men and cats and stuff" children in schools in Epsom were having a half pint of active oxygen at morning playtime and then going on to take their A Levels at the age of 12.

Now that I know about this stuff I have big plans. I'll start small with a hosepipe running up the M1 and M6 to get some flow going but I can imagine tankers full of the stuff sailing from Tilbury to Salford Quays where the well-heeled BBC presenters from Media City will queue up twelve-deep for a cupful. The premium stuff will go in cool-boxes carried by motorcycle couriers from London to Beetham Tower.

Active Oxygen - it's the future (as is garlic bread and giant cous-cous)