Barrel Cactus Fruit and Life Crisis

I've read that they tast bitter and were only eaten by Native Americans in severe drought conditions.
Yes, another cactus blip.
It was a long day, light was fading and there was the cactus.
My mind was distracted today.
It was a day of a weird mood, a day of reflection on my life.
What in the world am I doing with my life?
Will it matter that I lived?
Does it even matter if I mattered?
[Now that sounds ridiculous.]
I need to live a life that matters to me.
It's time to make some active decisions regarding the rest of my journey.
Scary.