For mum

Today we said goodbye to my mum for the last time. Her funeral was a small family affair and beautifully done. I was impressed with what the vicar had gleaned from his interview with us all and I was very impressed by how he made it funny and thus more poignant. There were several chuckles in the service.
I was very stoic! Only because I was doing the Bible reading and knew that if I even started going to pieces that would be it! And in the end I actually wasn't sad.
My mum never had an easy life - she came from an economically tough war/post war background. her married life was spent trying desperately to make ends meet. And as my aunt (her sister) said today - she had very little in life, she wanted very little but she was always happy with who she was and what she had. That about sums her up.
In the 9 years I had been out in NZ she has battled and beat cancer, has suffered with diabetes and kidney disease. The end when it came was a blessing and I know that her suffering at least has ended, hence not being sad.
As I laid in bed the other night I thought about what I would have said if we had gone down the ecology route. It would have been something along the lines of....
I hated and resented my mother for many years as a teenager and young adult. Her failings impacted on my life dramatically. When my niece came and visited me a few years ago and was an utter bitch I rang my mum and apologised - knowing that if I was even half as horrible (and I know I WAS!!) then my mother was a matte! Her answer was simply 'Oh you weren't that bad'' well mum I know I was and It is testament to your love and forgiving nature that you never held it against me.
For me, as I got older I realised that life is never simple and that despite whatever I had criticised her for, my mother was still my mother and that I loved her.

These are the flowers that my friends G and I had sent from NZ. Mum loved roses