Fountain Of Youth

Eureka!  Who knew?  After all this time, I suddenly discovered the answer to one of Mankind's eternal questions -- and to think it was staring me in the face lo these many years! 

There it is -- right on the front of my oven -- all you have to do is press "Stop Time" and voila!  No more wrinkles or gray hairs will encroach, hips and knees won't stiffen up, the need for bifocals will disappear ... Genius!