Harking back to the Ark

Digital archaeologists at the University of the West of England believe this ancient object was some form of calculating engine.

If aligned with the Second Point of Aries on the Winter Equinox, and connected to a wind turbine festooned in winterval mistletoe it will light up and foretell the future. The predictions issue from its straight-faced mouth, and are open to cryptic interpretation by Welsh Druids.

The last such utterance predicted the coming of a youth dressed in a hooded robe hiding a face like a book, who everyone would like.